FOUR STEPS TO ALIGN OUR EXPECTATIONS WITH OUR FRIENDS
“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.” ― Sylvia Plath
An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. Having expectations can be a good thing and a bad thing in our friendships, especially if we are not aware of their personalities and capabilities – regardless if we consider each other to be close friends.
Sometimes projecting how we would do certain things for our friends doesn’t always mean they would do things the same way for us. This has always been a struggle for me with how much giving to friends is too much giving: I come from a generation of being all in and loyal no matter what and that is how I define a friendship. To be honest, although this mindset has caused me a lot of joy, it has caused me heartaches as well.
As a part of my journey of growth from all the steps I have taken in life that has caused me pain, I am still learning a lot every day, and that includes defining what is good for me and what isn’t.
We can’t be loyal to people that we feel would not go all out for us because we will be left feeling like we were taken advantage of. Let’s be real: no one wants to feel that way.
Here are four steps we can take to ensure that our values are aligned with our friends:
Be honest with our expectations – or better yet, do not have any expectations from the get go. This is easier said than done but in hindsight it will be clearer. When we set out to help a
friend in need – regardless if it’s for a business venture, a favor, an advice, a business connection – at the back of our minds we may expect that when it’s our turn, they will be there the same way for us.
Communicate – which means we may hear some things we don’t agree with but in order to resolve any issues we must close our mouths and open those ears it goes both ways.
Get to know your friends and their capabilities whether they are aligned with yours and if you can deal with each other shortcomings.
Put yourself in the other people shoes – and ask yourself how would that make you feel?
It’s not easy being truthful because we don’t want to hurt our friend’s feelings, but if you want the relationship to be strong and real then we all must be honest with each other.
Remember friendships, just like any and all relationships they need to be nurtured. And this goes beyond the usual coffee chats, or quick text messages. Sometimes the real measurement of how deep a friendship is – it’s when it’s time to give back – not out of responsibility or “returning the favor” but because we want to help our friend get to the top regardless of our current situation in life.
Continue to stand strong,
Andrea Jackson